I have, as I've mentioned started seeing a Russian man, Kolya. And he knows the address of this blog (привет Колюня!) so don't expect many dirty details.
Honestly, dating in Russia has proven to be difficult, the most obvious reason being the language barrier. I can't just strike up a conversation with a stranger, which is something I never had any problem doing back home if I deemed that stranger cute enough. In fact, that was once my number-one preferred method for meeting men:talking to them. Not so easy here.
The second problem is a statistical one. While I cannot find two agreeing sources, some statisticians put the ratio of women to men in Moscow at 65:35. Yowza. Not to mention that there is no shortage of beautiful, feminine women among each of the 65. If you're a sweats-in-public person, you might just want to stay home (though for the record, I argue that sweats-in-public people should just stay home no matter what nation they are in. But I digress)
Anyway, I met Kolya at Che, when I gestured to a chair at his table, asking if I could sit while my friends got a drink. It was crazy loud, so I used English figuring it didn't matter, and was surprised to get an English response.
Luck of the draw.
Now we see each other fairly regularly.
I have to admit now, that dating here is not like dating at home. It's more old-fashioned, slower, more romantic. I'm talking flower buying, long walks, galleries, picking up every tab, putting on your coat (onto you, not onto himself), taking your arm (especially useful in heels, on ice), romantic messages on your phone, the works. And it's not just Kolya--Back when Kira started dated her now-boyfriend, the two of us wondered if it was just her guy, or the Russian norm. Apparently, it's the latter.
So far, the only "girl" thing I have been asked to do by Kolya is pour the tea. Yep, if we're at his place and we want tea, I make it.
I mentioned this to my buddy Matt who suggested the inherent sexism of his request. And I can admit that my initial reaction to it was the same. But as I thought about it, I had to consider what really made one little favour more loaded than another? Does it matter if they are gender-assigned? Are we so entrenched in our Westernised ideas of equality that anything gender-assigned is to be considered wrong? And why does me making tea seem unfair, while his fetching and putting on my coat considered "gentlemanly"?
Discuss. Seriously. It's a good question.
If you are interested in someone else's view on gender-relations in Russia, you should read this guy's blog for at least one interesting take.
Heavy thinking for Monday, I know. Must be the hookah.
2 comments:
I agree with you that why is it okay for guys to do 'male tasks' yet women balk at the notion of 'women's tasks'. Maybe you make tea better than he does lol. I know in my house, I don't cook because I'm the woman, I cook because I'm better at it. Of course, this brings the new question of am I better at it because I'm a girl? Is he worse because he's a guy and always believed he wasn't supposed to be good at it?
I am not good at cooking at all. I don't think it's that I can't cook, I just rather reject the idea. My dad ALWAYS cooked meals, and extravagent five course ones at that. I am so used to having the man cook, that it is a requirement of mine that my husband will have to do it. I honestly don't mind doing "girl" things as long as I'm not asked to do "guy" things such as shovelling the driveway and mowing the lawn. And he is being quite nice, buying all your meals, putting on your coat etc. We can't expect those things of someone if we don't want to give something in return.
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