Just When You Think Muscovites Can't Surprise You Anymore...

So I was having a bit of a rough day.

Landlord issues, basically, and finding an apartment in Mosow is no fun, no fun... and I've got two major seminars to prepare that I need to concentrate on, and a client list that is making my headache just to fit them all in. Nothing dreadful, but enough to make you a little crazy.

So I head outside, having been stuck in the flat all day, to work on a park bench, have a beer, get away from typing, and generally clear my head by immersing myself in the fascinating world of accent reduction. Then, out of nowhere, the man on the bench next to me offers some of his pistachios. Well, actually, he gives me a bag, and a bag of cashews, and won't take no for an answer.

I keep working.

Then the man uncaps a beer, and hands it to me, and--again--won't take no for an answer.

Well, spasiba, stranger. You have no idea.

He then strikes up a conversation, tells me where he works, listens to my apartment woes, talks about how hard it is to move to Moscow, and exchanges passports for curious perusal....and the whole time keeps offering me random things from his grocery bag.

In short? This is what I came home with:

Chocolate, two beer (consumed on site), a package of cashews, a package of pistachios, cigarettes, sour cream, and a kilo and a half of beef sausage. The kitten was already mine.

And if you are wondering, no, no I don't think this is as per usual.

And I thought nothing here could throw me anymore...

Some Fun with Translation

Sometimes, rather than translate the word from English to Russian, marketing dapartments find it cooler to just transliterate the English.

So imagine, for example, a cleaning product on the shelves back home called "CAPTAIN CHIESTY" (it means "clean" in Russian). Meaningless, maybe, but harmless.

Now imagine if someone misheard that original vowel? Why, you could end up with "CAPTAIN CHESTY"! Although come to think of it, that is an undeniably awesome product name. Who wouldn't want Captain Chesty scrubbing things vigerously? Think of the men who would finally buy cleaning product!

Kinda puts those Molly Maid ads to shame, eh?

---

Well this does sometimes happen. And while "Captain Chesty" would be an obviously rad accident, I'm not sure the same goes for this one:

Since this is not a box of very questionable condoms, I'll assume they were going for "Pizza Cook" here.

Yeah, no, they didn't quite make it.

Dude, I Don't Even Know What the Question Means

I set up a bank account in Moscow, finally.
My favourite question on the application?

'Are You a "politically exposed person" or a relative of a "politically exposed person"?'

Uhh...What the what now?!

I like how they even put it in quotes, basically admitting that this is a deliberately-vague-because-it's-sketchy question. I don't even know what it means exactly, but I'm willing to bet you don't want to check "yes." Of course it took everything in me to keep from doing just that-- like when you cross the border and they ask you if you have anything to declare, and you're dying to say "war".

Anyhow, if any Moscow robbers are reading this (of course they are) there is no longer a ridiculous stash of rubles in my sock drawer. And that's why you don't procrastinate.

Vacation is OVAH!

For me and all the kids accross Russia.

Today is actually considered a holiday in Russia, The Day of Knowledge.
It is the day colleges, universities, and other schools open for the year. The kids are dressed in their best clothes, carrying flowers and gifts for thir teacher---it's pretty damn adorable. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get any pictures of my own, since most parents are surprisingly uncool with foreign strangers snapping candid photos of their children going to school. Go figure.

But I do have a video that I didn't make for you. Although whether this was taken by kidnappers posing as a suspiciously teamed British/American news crew, I can't say for sure.

Enjoy. And to all the people in my life going back to achool, or going back to work in a school (Anna, Jay, my Mum and loverly ladies in the River East offices...ME!) Welcome Back!